Zentrale für Experimentelles

Interfarb

Andrew Goldfarb is a multi-mediumistic artist of the fanciful and macabre. He performs as the Slow Poisoner one-man band, draws a comic strip called Ogner Stump, writes an advice column for PORK magazine, and paints laughing hyenas and zombified Elvises on black velvet. He’s also written five Bizarro books for Eraserhead Press, the latest being Midnight Earwig Buffet.


DA

What are some of your most important aesthetic influences?

AG

I’m greatly affected by mountain molds and swamp bogs, with the attendant creeping things ensconced within, particularly toad funguses and hollow oak haints.

DA

What’s your view on fracking, if done by elbow?

AG

Elbow-fracking, as a means to extract gas from the earth, is a useful method for the siphoning of dinosaur extract, preferably into the elbow itself, resulting in a prehistoric swelling of appendages.

DA

Would you like this interviewtf more if it had another title, like “No, Sir-iously,” or “’Have you explained your pupils to the cloud?’ I asked my ex-mom. But she was without vigor, she just stayed very calm and revised myhermy strangeness over and over again”?

AG

Have I explained my pupils to the cloud? Yes, I have. I figure that some explanation was owed, since I was looking upwards to the heavens with such seriousness. I told the cumulous formation that my ocular orbs were good students and well-behaved, although they occasionally scratch graffiti on the insides of my eyelids.

DA

You don’t have to be gay to find penises fascinating. The comedy „Superbad,“ for instance, features some funky dickophilia moments. What do you think about enhancing (or encocking) classic films the way you enhance (or encock) newsies? Oskar Schindler smoking a dickarette, for fuck’s sake?

AG

I’ve found that rabbit-skinning is unusually common in the background of Hollywood films. If you look closely, you’ll see that it’s often happening subtly and pointlessly, divorced from the main action. Perhaps the hero is getting out of a car; in the window of a butcher shop, there’s a rabbit being skinned. Maybe some soldiers are walking across a field? Some hick is separating a bunny from its fur off to the side.

DA

What is the most (experimental) piece of art you’ve ever enjoyed?

AG

I liked that Virgin Mary composed of elephant dung. And the life-size Michael Jackson with his chimp.

DA

If 100 divided by 2 were 42, what would 3 times 1°1 be?

AG

If 100 divided by 2 were 42, it would make 100 = 84, or 1=.84, which would render a 3 as 2.52, so the answer would be 2.52 time .84°.84 = well, I’m not sure what that equals, but at least we’re closer now.

DA

Who/what is the biggest dick in the universe? Whose asshole would it fit perfectly?

AG

I would have to say that God is the biggest dick, and his fits in his own asshole, like a snake chasing its tail and revolving eternally as a fiery disc in the sky.

DA

One TED talk a day keeps the _____________ away?

AG

Rabbit skinning

DA

Which role will (or should) male genitalia play in the far future – dick-hacking, ass-splicing, bio-junk, interstellar engineering?

AG

Modular detachability is the hallmark of effective repair. Component-based technological structures are less prone to obsolescence, due to the ease of replacement of any worn or defective pieces.

DA

„?“

AG

Abelmoschus esculentus, a flowering fruit plant, is called Bhindi in South Asia but in English-speaking countries is referred to as okra or “ladies’ fingers.”

DA

At which point does Bizarro become an unacceptable transgreßion?

AG

Any place beyond the reach of the Baby Jesus Butt Plug.

DA

Is it possible that music is totally overrated? Could one say the same about athlete’s dick?

AG

Both have their place, and while some examples of each are not worthy of their hype, there is plenty that remains criminally undervalued.

DA

What would you rather have invented – the Ö or the 1?

AG

While the zero is a significant achievement, as its circular form also serves as a wheel, its umlauted cousin is only remarkable to fans of European metal bands. The 1, however, is a crucial component to the computerized toys that hold such sway over kids today.

DA

Why doesn’t the Canadian tech-metal band Martyr get the attention they deserve so much?

AG

Their name lacks umlauts.

DA

How many spiders are needed to creep out one level-4 arachnophobe?

AG

Only one, provided it’s a big-ass spider.

DA

What is your favorite ____________?

AG

What is my favorite poisonous worm? The Bobbit Worm, which grows to ten feet long, and has toxic bristles that cause permanent nerve damage to anyone that touches them.

DA

Bonus question: What’s your take on the following 8 Nonsemes?

Through the Fenestra’s glass
I’m watched scrupulously by Caelus.
Both our oculi
end up serving as brain explosives.

“Once aesthetyẍ, always aesthetyẍ,”
Rehym used to preach.
But now he is all shriveled up
into a dense & dirty bluff package called Hologramym.

John McKiller, psychopath,
has got a nice piece of advice for (almost) everyone.
Kogel, however, who happens to be around,
doesn’t need Johnny telling him what to do. At all.

If everything was/were plastic,
then everything would/could be easier and much more colorful.
Easy living surely would take our lives to a new level:
Colorful balls for major corporations.

A lobster lays an egg.
A man skins pulp.
A larva
plays the laser harp.

AG

The soap on a rope speaks softly of love
With flapping insular pink bits
Sequestered inside woven sweaters
Beamed in on candy-colored radio waves
Like a boomerang vampire snorkels


Image source: (c) Johnny Crash

 

 

 

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