Zentrale für Experimentelles

Intervince

Interviewtf with Bizarro author Vince Kramer.


DA

What are some of your most important aesthetic influences?

VK

The throbbing, naked, male body.

DA

What’s your view on fracking, if done by elbow?

VK

It’s an environmental concern, sure, but don’t make it a human concern.

DA

Would you like this interviewtf more if it had another title, like “No, Sir-iously,” or “’Have you explained your pupils to the cloud?’ I asked my ex-mom. But she was without vigor, she just stayed very calm and revised myhermy strangeness over and over again.”?

VK

I’d prefer the interview to be called “Your ex-mom”.

DA

You don’t have to be gay to find penises fascinating. The comedy „Superbad,“ for instance, features some funky dickophilia moments. What do you think about enhancing (or encocking) classic films the way you enhance (or encock) newsies? Oskar Schindler smoking a dickarette, for fuck’s sake?

VK

That’s so juvenile. I’m actually gay so I’d prefer there to be far more penises in movies. You Europeans go full-frontal nude so often in them but you’re all uncircumcised. You can’t tell if it’s a penis or a polish sausage tied in a knot at the end. Gross.

DA

What is the most (experimental) piece of art you’ve ever enjoyed?

VK

Michael Fassbender.

DA

If 100 divided by 2 were 42, what would 3 times 1°1 be?

VK

I don’t know how you do math over in Europe but you need to stop. Let the Americans handle it.

DA

Who/what is the biggest dick in the universe? Whose asshole would it fit perfectly?

VK

I have the biggest dick in the universe. Your ex-mom.

DA

One TED talk a day keeps the _____________ away?

VK

Apple

DA

Which role will (or should) male genitalia play in the far future – dick-hacking, ass-splicing, bio-junk, interstellar engineering?

VK

The penis is too sensitive for such things. Maybe it should write poetry, or take water aerobics classes.

DA

„?“

VK

There was … what is that, Turkish? If you’re going to write something on the bathroom wall and talk about dicks all the time it should be about gay sex. Maybe next time you’re in a bathroom stall write „There was gay sex here.“

DA

At which point does Bizarro become an unacceptable transgreßion?

VK

When the words “retarded” and “gay” are censored and banned for actually being considered offensive.

DA

Is it possible that music is totally overrated? Could one say the same about athlete’s dick?

VK

Like, Euro music? You guys invented Dubstep, didn’t you? The only athlete I know about is Oscar Pistorius. He’s my hero because he has no legs but still was able to go to the bathroom and shoot his girlfriend in the face six times.

DA

What would you rather have invented – the Ö or the 1?

VK

The Ö. Is that one of your Euro emojis or something?

DA

Why doesn’t the Canadian tech-metal band Martyr get the attention they deserve so much?

VK

Martyr? What about Tankard? 30 years and no one gives a shit.

DA

How many spiders are needed to creep out one level-4 arachnophobe?

VK

Is this something people set up? Gather up the spiders and test this on a level-4?

DA

What is your favorite ____________?

VK

Man, that’s an unloaded question.

DA

Bonus question: What’s your take on the following 8 Nonsemes?

Kogel is hiding behind that mountain of yours,
where Selen is growing rapidly.
Kogel suddenly got afraid
of the Notorious Saxony.

Omens are like little animals:
peeping through small pox,
looking for food and/or gemini,
which happen to be a particularly grey area …

There are those who are “smart,” wise.
There are those who are “well-read,” peeping.
There are the learners who “can.”
And then there is Moennen“.”

Inside the rain
liquids happily splash all over yours truly.
Oh, yours truly is so full of it,
quite the rainiac, to be honest.

Enough of evil aftertaste,
enough of empty cataracts,
sign me up, bro, for authenticity, the real deal,
for some genuine contact with freshly-squeezed glands.

VK

I don’t know what Nonsemes are but very good job.

DA

„!“

VK

Thank you!


Image source: (c) Vince Kramer

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