[:en]Jeremy C. Shipp is the Bram Stoker Award-nominated author of Cursed, Vacation, and In the Fishbowl We Bleed. He’s also the creator of the comic book series Globcow. His shorter tales have appeared in over 60 publications, the likes of Cemetery Dance, ChiZine, Apex Magazine, Withersin, and Shroud Magazine. His twitter handle is @JeremyCShipp.
DANIEL ABLEEV
What are some of your most important aesthetic influences?
JEREMY C. SHIPP
My major aesthetic influences include nightmares, Terry Gilliam, cat faces, Victorian wallpaper, Miyazaki, silverware, trash art, looking out the window, and 80s cartoons.
DA
What’s your view on fracking, if done by elbow?
JCS
An elbow that can inject liquid at high pressure into subterranean rocks most likely belongs to some sort of hydraulic mecha. As a rule, I don’t support the use of hydraulic mechas, unless they look like gorillas. Gorillas are cool.
DA
Would you like this interviewtf more if it had another title, like “No, Sir-iously,” or “’Have you explained your pupils to the cloud?’ I asked my ex-mom. But she was without vigor, she just stayed very calm and revised myhermy strangeness over and over again”?
JCS
I suppose I would most prefer a FINterview where everything was fish-themed. We could create such a FINterview just for the halibut. And by that I mean the halibut demons living in my walls. They’re megalomanics, and they will only read about human society through a fish-colored lens.
DA
You don’t have to be gay to find penises fascinating. The comedy „Superbad,“ for instance, features some funky dickophilia moments. What do you think about enhancing (or encocking) classic films the way you enhance (or encock) newsies? Oskar Schindler smoking a dickarette, for fuck’s sake?
JCS
There are guns in many classic films, which are little more than mechanical penises of death. Also, did you know that most directors before the 1960s were giant anthropomorphic wieners?
DA
What is the most (experimental) piece of art you’ve ever enjoyed?
JCS
This reality is an art installation that is meant as a social commentary on war. I have enjoyed myself on this planet from time to time. There are many gorillas and cat faces to look at.
DA
If 100 divided by 2 were 42, what would 3 times 1°1 be?
JCS
3 times 1°1 is 42. Every answer to every question is 42. We are obsessed with the number 42, because of an amoeba living in the right parietal area of our brains. Scientists are attempting to find a way to battle the amoebas, but their research is getting nowhere because their equations are always reduced to 42.
DA
Who/what is the biggest dick in the universe? Whose asshole would it fit perfectly?
JCS
42.
DA
One TED talk a day keeps the _____________ away?
JCS
Doctor away. Apples, TED talks, halibut demons, and most objects in the universe keep doctors away. Docs are shy, skittish creatures who spend most of their lives humming alone in chthonic caves, knitting sweaters for their pet bats.
DA
Which role will (or should) male genitalia play in the far future – dick-hacking, ass-splicing, bio-junk, interstellar engineering?
JCS
This image is too small for me to see, so I’m going to assume that it says, “Jeremy, would you like $100?” Yes, I would. Thank you so much. I will use this money to buy trash art from Spanksy, a local garbage man who happens to be a brilliant artist. Every Wednesday, his art truck grips my trash can with a mechanical arm and tosses garbage all over the street. I pay him a lot of money for these art pieces, though they tend to frighten away most of the doctors from my house.
DA
At which point does Bizarro become an unacceptable transgreßion?
JCS
Bizarro is unacceptable when it’s written on brain-eating amoebas that writers inject into the blood of their readers while they sleep. “You’ll enjoy this,” the writer whispers, bathed in moonlight, wearing only a Burger King mask. “You’ll enjoy this very much.”
DA
Is it possible that music is totally overrated? Could one say the same about athlete’s dick?
JCS
The only music that is worth listening to is Martyr, the Canadian tech-metal band. All other CDs and vinyls should be used by Spanksy in his trash art installations.
DA
What would you rather have invented – the Ö or the 1?
JCS
I don’t understand the question. “What would you rather have invented – the 42 or the 42?” Aren’t those the same numbers?
DA
Why doesn’t the Canadian tech-metal band Martyr get the attention they deserve so much?
JCS
I wish I knew.
DA
How many spiders are needed to creep out one level-4 arachnophobe?
JCS
One human-faced spider is all you need to creep out most anyone, doctor or no.
DA
What is your favorite ____________?
JCS
My favorite blank is a blank stare when someone is trying to talk with me about sports. If the blank stare doesn’t work, I’ll transmogrify myself into a hedgehog in a top hat. That’s usually distracting enough to shift the flow of the conversation.
DA
Bonus question: What’s your take on the following 8 Nonsemes?
There is that old grave again.
Its names achangin’, frequently …
C’mon, don’t you sue me, Suomi.
(And please try not to form new federal states.)
Through 1 gap
1 laser peeps into mosquito.
The mueckle falls onto 1 ground,
its testicle (1) lying right next to it.
A beard’s procurement …
Crime that doesn’t take kindly to downing once in a while.
That Declaration of Human Bot-Larvae
being waved in front of “him,” via remote.
Man crosses bear with bitch:
There ya go, Whorsus.
Bear crosses man with pipi
and gets a couple of complaints.
Twelve shoes are standing in the field,
one for each year.
Wheat likes to wear sneakers,
Rye has got himself a nice sandal.
JCS
Can you repeat that? I saw a gorilla out the window, and I got distracted.
Photo: © Jeremy C. Shipp[:de]Jeremy C. Shipp is the Bram Stoker Award-nominated author of Cursed, Vacation, and In the Fishbowl We Bleed. He’s also the creator of the comic book series Globcow. His shorter tales have appeared in over 60 publications, the likes of Cemetery Dance, ChiZine, Apex Magazine, Withersin, and Shroud Magazine. His twitter handle is @JeremyCShipp.
DANIEL ABLEEV
What are some of your most important aesthetic influences?
JEREMY C. SHIPP
My major aesthetic influences include nightmares, Terry Gilliam, cat faces, Victorian wallpaper, Miyazaki, silverware, trash art, looking out the window, and 80s cartoons.
DA
What’s your view on fracking, if done by elbow?
JCS
An elbow that can inject liquid at high pressure into subterranean rocks most likely belongs to some sort of hydraulic mecha. As a rule, I don’t support the use of hydraulic mechas, unless they look like gorillas. Gorillas are cool.
DA
Would you like this interviewtf more if it had another title, like “No, Sir-iously,” or “’Have you explained your pupils to the cloud?’ I asked my ex-mom. But she was without vigor, she just stayed very calm and revised myhermy strangeness over and over again”?
JCS
I suppose I would most prefer a FINterview where everything was fish-themed. We could create such a FINterview just for the halibut. And by that I mean the halibut demons living in my walls. They’re megalomanics, and they will only read about human society through a fish-colored lens.
DA
You don’t have to be gay to find penises fascinating. The comedy „Superbad,“ for instance, features some funky dickophilia moments. What do you think about enhancing (or encocking) classic films the way you enhance (or encock) newsies? Oskar Schindler smoking a dickarette, for fuck’s sake?
JCS
There are guns in many classic films, which are little more than mechanical penises of death. Also, did you know that most directors before the 1960s were giant anthropomorphic wieners?
DA
What is the most (experimental) piece of art you’ve ever enjoyed?
JCS
This reality is an art installation that is meant as a social commentary on war. I have enjoyed myself on this planet from time to time. There are many gorillas and cat faces to look at.
DA
If 100 divided by 2 were 42, what would 3 times 1°1 be?
JCS
3 times 1°1 is 42. Every answer to every question is 42. We are obsessed with the number 42, because of an amoeba living in the right parietal area of our brains. Scientists are attempting to find a way to battle the amoebas, but their research is getting nowhere because their equations are always reduced to 42.
DA
Who/what is the biggest dick in the universe? Whose asshole would it fit perfectly?
JCS
42.
DA
One TED talk a day keeps the _____________ away?
JCS
Doctor away. Apples, TED talks, halibut demons, and most objects in the universe keep doctors away. Docs are shy, skittish creatures who spend most of their lives humming alone in chthonic caves, knitting sweaters for their pet bats.
DA
Which role will (or should) male genitalia play in the far future – dick-hacking, ass-splicing, bio-junk, interstellar engineering?
JCS
This image is too small for me to see, so I’m going to assume that it says, “Jeremy, would you like $100?” Yes, I would. Thank you so much. I will use this money to buy trash art from Spanksy, a local garbage man who happens to be a brilliant artist. Every Wednesday, his art truck grips my trash can with a mechanical arm and tosses garbage all over the street. I pay him a lot of money for these art pieces, though they tend to frighten away most of the doctors from my house.
DA
At which point does Bizarro become an unacceptable transgreßion?
JCS
Bizarro is unacceptable when it’s written on brain-eating amoebas that writers inject into the blood of their readers while they sleep. “You’ll enjoy this,” the writer whispers, bathed in moonlight, wearing only a Burger King mask. “You’ll enjoy this very much.”
DA
Is it possible that music is totally overrated? Could one say the same about athlete’s dick?
JCS
The only music that is worth listening to is Martyr, the Canadian tech-metal band. All other CDs and vinyls should be used by Spanksy in his trash art installations.
DA
What would you rather have invented – the Ö or the 1?
JCS
I don’t understand the question. “What would you rather have invented – the 42 or the 42?” Aren’t those the same numbers?
DA
Why doesn’t the Canadian tech-metal band Martyr get the attention they deserve so much?
JCS
I wish I knew.
DA
How many spiders are needed to creep out one level-4 arachnophobe?
JCS
One human-faced spider is all you need to creep out most anyone, doctor or no.
DA
What is your favorite ____________?
JCS
My favorite blank is a blank stare when someone is trying to talk with me about sports. If the blank stare doesn’t work, I’ll transmogrify myself into a hedgehog in a top hat. That’s usually distracting enough to shift the flow of the conversation.
DA
Bonus question: What’s your take on the following 8 Nonsemes?
There is that old grave again.
Its names achangin’, frequently …
C’mon, don’t you sue me, Suomi.
(And please try not to form new federal states.)
Through 1 gap
1 laser peeps into mosquito.
The mueckle falls onto 1 ground,
its testicle (1) lying right next to it.
A beard’s procurement …
Crime that doesn’t take kindly to downing once in a while.
That Declaration of Human Bot-Larvae
being waved in front of “him,” via remote.
Man crosses bear with bitch:
There ya go, Whorsus.
Bear crosses man with pipi
and gets a couple of complaints.
Twelve shoes are standing in the field,
one for each year.
Wheat likes to wear sneakers,
Rye has got himself a nice sandal.
JCS
Can you repeat that? I saw a gorilla out the window, and I got distracted.
Photo: © Jeremy C. Shipp[:]